you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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