i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
