she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
