The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
