she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
