This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
