Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
