I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
