listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
