used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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