Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
