I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
