I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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