I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
3pm strippers are depressing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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