shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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