Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
