Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
