nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Randomize
