I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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