Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
