Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
