I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
