You can't motorboat a personality
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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