I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
