I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
