So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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