When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
