omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
being pregnant is like rehab
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize