Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
