Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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