I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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