it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
