Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
