ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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