how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize