I wanna bring you to show and tell
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he laminated a picture of his dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
