hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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