Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
