pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize