I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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