I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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