Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize