So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize