Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
