dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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