he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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