I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize