dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Congratulations! We have a period
The air taste purple.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
