Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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