So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
