Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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