How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sext me about skeletons
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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