I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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