Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
