We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
