I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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