My liver just broke up with me...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
