Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
