my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
