you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
