This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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