Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
