i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
