Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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