I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
