I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
