then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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