there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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