I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
