i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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