she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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