he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
