So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
