I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
