Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
