Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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