Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
