So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
