i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
