theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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