ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
