dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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