You're completely useless in the revolution.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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