I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Never joke about your clitoris.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
