i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry about my life...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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