i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
