Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't put those talents on a resume
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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