When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
