you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize