omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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