throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
