I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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