We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
