just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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