someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
