just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
