dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
