saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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