Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
