Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
