so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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