whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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