i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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